Life goes on with or without you. Time moves forward no matter if you are a part of it or not. There was a time when I wasn’t a part of the living. I don’t like to dwell on my past behaviors but then again it’s brought me to where I am now. Sometimes you gotta go back every now and then to see that you have become a better person. The past isn’t pretty for a recovering (recovered) addict or alcoholic but knowing where you came from reminds you that you can live a happy and productive life. It is worth all the pain and suffering when you do turn your life around. I can truly say that today I am more at peace with myself that I’ve been in a long time. A couple years ago I was a defeated man looking for a way out, drinking my life away. I didn’t care who I hurt, had no thought about tomorrow or if I lived or died. It wasn’t until I got to the root of my problem that I could face why I drank and consumed pills to begin with. I understand we all have tragedies in our life, things that take us by surprise but how we conquer our trials is the difference between success and failure.
The stuff I did, that I put on others seems like it was a lifetime ago but at the same time it’s as fresh as yesterday. Forgetting is easier than forgiving. The past is what it is, it’s gone and there’s nothing you can do to change it. You can look back but only to reassure yourself that repeating those mistakes cannot happen again. You’ve got to much to lose ya know. You can’t keep beating yourself up forever, if you do then change will never happen. Sometimes your problems are the best solutions to not repeating those bad habits. But breaking those bad habits takes time, it takes time and respect for yourself. If you don’t like the person looking back at you in the mirror then you will never get better. It won’t happen. Everyone has struggles we gotta face, problems we gotta deal with. But if we can’t get to the root of what’s causing the pain then there’s gonna be little change in getting better. And to be clear here if you don’t take charge of your life then who will? Nothing will ever happen if you don’t make a conscious decision to forgive yourself. You’ll never lead a happy and fulfilling life. Man it just won’t happen. You gotta do something to change, there’s gonna haveta be action on your part. This is a process, a process of doing something in order to achieve that change. Again change isn’t always easy, heck it’s never easy but if there’s no movement on your part then you’re stuck repeating those habits. If you move forward and don’t let go of your addiction then the outcome will always be the same. You’ll go nuts and you’ll certainly never change.
Look I still have my struggles everyday like everyone else does but the change for me today is I don’t reach for an 18 pack or a bottle to solve my problems. I take care of things differently now, I make a conscious effort not to repeat my past mistakes. Alcohol no longer has control over my life because I made the decision to change my actions. Having a drink really wasn’t the issue, the issue was to let drinking solve my problems. Actually the opposite happened it just added more problems to what was already a bad situation.
Having said all of that, here I am two years later a much healthier and happy guy. I am blessed with a beautiful women by my side that still looks at me like the first time we were together. I have friends and family that truly care about my well being and make sure I stay true to myself. They love me without conditions. I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to have this second chance to make a change. There are a lot of folks that never get that second chance so yeah I’m truly thankful.